rough night

last night was a night that i wish could rewind and rewrite. i don't really know what happened to set things in motion. i was half asleep when everything went down. i got up to nurse brandon around 2 a.m. and i dozed back off. he woke up and started to root again, so i set him down because i had planned on laying on my side to finish nursing. i don't know if i didn't put him over as far on the couch as i thought i did, or if i pushed down on the cushion when i was re-situating myself...but the next thing i know, brandon is on the floor. the WOOD floor. there was this awful thud when he hit the ground. it was like it was happening so fast, yet in slow motion all at the same time. i just couldn't catch him. i jumped up and ran into the bedroom and woke up james. we immediately call the pediatrician's office, and the triage nurse tells us to take him to the emergency room. thank goodness it's not that far away, and they get us in pretty quickly. they first checked brandon's vitals and observed him, and then they took him for a cat scan. the results came back that he had no problems, so they observed him for a little while longer and then released us. it was so scary going through that.

i told my college roommate from a&m, jennifer, that you know it's an accident, but you still feel like a piece of crap for dropping your kid. it's like you know better, but you're so beyond tired that you start cutting corners. i'm a perfectionist. i want my house to look perfect, my kids to look perfect, me to be back in a size 6 already, etc. i KNOW it's unrealistic to do all this after just having a baby...but i still expect it from myself. jennifer and i have been friends for a long time and she reminded me that it's not the house and stuff that the kids will remember, it's me being a stressed out mess. that totally hit me. i don't want my kids to think back on their childhood and think that. i want them to remember how much fun we had and how much joy they give us each day. so this was a wake up call. a scary one.

i figured after the night we had, that i should cancel my activities for the day. i had planned on going to see a bunch of my girlfriends in the woodlands at a scrapbooking retreat. james encouraged me to still go because i was feeling so bad about what happened. i was so glad i went. i got to see all my sweet friends, and some even shared stories about something crazy they {accidentally} did to their kids! brandon got passed around from friend to friend. he loved it!

here are some pictures of my sweet friends who just adore me. ha ha.

this is my dear friend janell. i just adore the heck out of her. she has become such a great friend to me. i don't know what i would do if i didn't have her in my life.

lee ann is a hoot. she didn't want me taking a picture of her, but she gave in because she knows i want brandon to have a scrapbook of him and everyone that loves him!

lynda and i have become quite good buddies over the last year! we have had many a fun conversation about things in my life. she is always good at helping me find the silver lining of the rough stuff. and she loves my oreo balls!

miss jeri has a heart of gold. she always wears the prettiest jewelry! she bought brandon the cutest ducky footed pajama outfit! oh, and jeri...brandon smelled like your perfume for the rest of the day. made me giggle every time i picked him up!

at 3 p.m. i had to leave the girls and head back to my mother-in-laws who was so kind to watch the big kids for me. jared and lauren were having such a fun time that they did not want to come home with me! they got to play with the big star wars ship that james and johnny had growing up, with legos, they watched star wars and played go fish. oh, and played light sabers outside too! i had to promise them that we'd play light sabers again when we got home...and even then they were still miffed about having to leave!

jimmy & melinda showed up around 4:30 p.m. i conned jimmy into doing a little jedi training with the kids! i went outside to see how they were doing, and let me tell you...jared is a force to be reckoned with when he is protecting the universe! jimmy was such a good sport...he even wore a superhero cape!
melinda held the little man while i took pictures. she is looking like a pro!!!

my neighbors, lee ann and her son isaiah came over when they saw we were outside so they could meet brandon.

at 6ish p.m. tim and rachel came over. of course tim had to get a little jedi training in. jared ran him all over the yard. i had fun taking pictures of tim because he made such big moves! this is one of my favorites!!!

and this one is for rachel. she made jokes about "making it on the blog"!!! look how cute you two look holding the baby! thanks again for the sweet outfits and the matching dog! OH...and tim...thanks for not making a goofy face!

and what was lauren doing during all of this? she was dressing up. a little too much make up for this harvest {princess} witch!
dinner at rockfish was great. we enjoyed the food and the company so much. we really have to stop waiting so long to get together! thanks to you four for making the trek to our neck of the woods for dinner and fellowship. and seriously jimmy and tim.......thank you for playing with my big kids. it was so neat to see jared having so much fun with his uncle jimmy and uncle tim!

so the day got off to a rough start, but it ended great. thanks to all my friends for being who you are and for letting me be who i am.